Love of Family, God, Country and Toyota Hilux Trucks. But Not In That Order.

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I'm sure there are several lovely ladies out there who see the affection between a dude and his truck and think, "Can that stupid thing shave its legs and look half as good as I do in a skirt? Didn't think so. Neither can the truck."

Conversely, I know more than two or three dudes who want nothing more in life than a pretty lady under his arm, a complete set of 2.4 kids in the backyard, and a Toyota Hilux in the driveway. It's the trifecta of perfection in more men's minds than anyone might realize. We all know what we love about pretty ladies and 2.4 kids, that's easy. But the Hilux you could be wondering about. In short, it's a compact pickup so rugged and well-built that it can take dirt road floggings for a lifetime and spend its twilight years in retirement on a sheep ranch in the Australian Outback. So in defense of the team I swing a bat for, we're plenty capable of appreciating that truck and you. That's capable. I apologize because I cannot lodge a claim upon another man's skill in the arts of love, affection, and romance.

Except that most men are pretty good at groveling (if there's such a thing as possessing skill in that) when the desperate, possibly frequent, circumstances call for it. That leads us right to this Toyota commercial, which is set to the old Hall & Oates tune Baby Come Back. In the suite of modern music, it must hold a record in the groveling department. Listen: "Baby come back, you can blame it all on me / I was wrong and I just can't live without you." The man in this commercial parks his Hilux on a hill, but fails to set the parking brake. His truck rolls down, sails off a cliff, and meets its end in the sea. This song elucidates his sorrow for being such a fool.

But we all know better, don't we? The song isn't about a man and a truck, just the commercial is. The original feelings of "Crap, I messed up and didn't love you like I should have" go back in time well before trucks and certainly before the Toyota Hilux.

Here's the kicker. The Toyota Hilux isn't available in North America, but plenty of dudes pine for one. Of all the feelings we can summon the best we can do is compare it to is the agony of losing a sweet pony-tailed cutie (who looks good in a skirt). Ladies 1, trucks 0.

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